


seeing the same sky as you

by orphan_account



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:34:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22040380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: hajime vowed to never let anyone find out this side of him. the rotten him, the part of him that shouldn’t be smiling in the spotlight.he deserves a painful death, he thinks.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	seeing the same sky as you

**Author's Note:**

> !! CONTAINS MENTIONS OF ABUSE AND SELF-HARM !!
> 
> from the first time i saw hajime, i thought “there’s no way such an angel exists”.
> 
> and now we’re here with this AU

shino hajime.

a lovely, sweet boy, who’s adored and cherished by all.

a leather notebook sat on a wooden desk. on the cover, wrote “hajime’s diary”, engraved in cursive. a beautiful book, really. 

it’s a shame that the book only contained the ugly feelings of the poor boy.

hajime sat in front of said desk, pen still tight in his grip. the pages of the book were stained with tears. it’s not like he wants to do this, but what else can the poor kid do? he never takes his emotions out on other people. rather, his only comforts are the fountain pen he was gifted, and the blade cleverly placed at the corner of his room.

i.

it’s not like he hated his siblings. not even after they’re the one who made him like this. it’s not their fault, after all. hajime’s the only one to blame, for being selfish, for wanting attention from his dear parents. but what did that get him? a hard slap and a kick to the gut.

he doesn’t hate them, but he can’t bring himself to love them. 

sometimes, they get a little too clingy for hajime. he doesn’t do anything. doesn’t push them away or say mean things to them. instead, he pretends to be happy. he pretends to love the bear hugs he painfully receives. it’s not their fault. it’s his. 

he can’t tell them that they’re making him uncomfortable. so he picks up his pen and writes.

ii.

detestable, although it has a strong meaning, is the only word hajime can use to describe his parents. even though his father always bore a kind grin on his face at work, he’ll never forget the anger on his face when he first raised a hand to him.

his mother, on the other hand, merely watched the entire scene. she was right there, she could’ve stopped him, but she didn’t do anything. she never spoke a word about it after.

absolutely useless, both of them.

he’ll never tell them that.

he puts on his persona, and continues to live up to their expectations, to be a good, obedient boy, and to get some extra funds for the family.

he reaches for his notebook in its usual place again. this time, he grabs his old blade as well.

iii.

getting into high school wasn’t easy, but with the help of tomoya, he pulled through. he even made new friends and found a unit that loved him! for who he is on the outside, that is.

hajime vowed to never let anyone find out this side of him. the rotten him, the part of him that shouldn’t be smiling in the spotlight.

he deserves a painful death, he thinks. 

at the starlight festival ra*bits agreed to join, he messed up. his words poured right out of his mouth, and by the time he realised it, he had spoken his mind. selfish wishes were voiced, loud and clear.

an image of his father flashed through his mind. how hajime trembled as he got struck repeatedly. cold sweat trickled down his forehead. his entire body refused to move, and the fear in his eyes were evident.

_ this is it they’re gonna hate me they’re going to kick me out i’m going to lose them- _

a pat on the head. another warm hug from behind. hajime looked up, and was greeted with a smile so full of care, he genuinely thought he saw an angel. 

the guilt eats away at him. his friends genuinely love him and accept him, so why can’t he just share his story to them?

he can’t lie to them much longer.

iv.

the few days where ra*bits doesn’t have practice and hajime can finally rest at home alone are the most appreciated. without anything to worry him, he merely enjoys his time by himself.

occasionally, he’d grab one of the books he favoured and while away those peaceful moments. maybe he’d cook up a little meal, just to indulge himself. 

on other days, he’s emotionally drained. yells and cries coming from the sobbing boy echoed through the small house. he thinks;

_ what did i do to deserve this? _

_ no, no one can be blamed, no one except for me. _

v.

he... never knew why he forced himself to do this. after all, he could’ve just improved himself instead of faking everything. his friends would surely understand the real him, so why?

no matter what he did now, there’s no way he could let anyone see him without his mask. he’s been reduced to a rotten, despicable, hateful demon.

the evidence will never leave. the messy handwriting, only evident when hajime’s at his lowest. the fading pages of the beautifully bound notebook, some torn, some stained.

and the scars, made in neat little lines on his upper thigh, never to be exposed to the world, will always be there. 

maybe one day, when he’s brave enough, he’ll tell his friends. when he comes of age, there’s no longer any need to live with those monsters that people call parents.

he’ll finally be free.

with a goal in mind, he goes on. knowing that one day, the torment would be over. 

one day,

he’ll finally smile from the bottom of his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> kudos and comments are appreciated


End file.
